Well, this afternoon at Target I was that mom with that kid. If there had been a sudden hole in the floor that could have sucked me down into it, I would have gladly let it do so...If I could have twitched my nose and either disappeared myself or simply stopped the fit, I would have done so...If I could have shrunk myself to the size of an ant, no one would have seen me. But no, there we were...it started in the back of the store...and slowly, but continuously got a little louder as we moved toward the check out. It was there at the register that this horrible experience blew up in my face.
You see, I had told all 3 of my precious children before we even went in Target that I was not buying anything for them unless it was something that I decided to purchase. I specifically said "if you ask me for something, the answer is no. You will not get it." Period. That was it - we were merely going in there to look and kill some time that we had before heading to swim lessons. I saved the toy section for last on purpose. Alex headed to the books while Lane, Alli and I were still in the toys. It was nearing time to leave so we went over to find him. I made the first mistake in showing Lane some new Cars 2 books that were out. My second mistake was in letting him look at one. And thus began this saga of our afternoon. He proceeded to ask me for the book. I told him no. He continued. I kept saying no. He went on. My third and biggest mistake was letting him hold it till we got to the register (I was purchasing a few things but true to my word, nothing for which anyone had asked). "Why did you let him even take it to the register?" Leland later asked me. My answer was simple - I know Lane well...I knew a fit was coming so I was trying to prevent it as long as possible. I had no idea, however, just how big of a fit was coming! I have never seen such a thing...well, at least not from my kids! So, we get to the register and Lane hands me the book. I give it to the lady checking us out and quietly say "I do not want this book. I am not buying it." She says ok and puts it down under the register. Lane happens to turn around right at this moment and "THE FIT" ensued! He tried to get out of the basket (so I lifted him out to avoid him falling out - my mistake #4!) - he bangs on the conveyor belt, bangs on the part at the other end and then I picked him up and he bangs on the card reader - each of these actions is bad enough in and of themselves, but all the while he is doing all of this, he is also screaming/crying at the top of his lungs "buy me the book! I want the book! I will stop if you buy me the book" etc, etc, etc, - I honestly can't remember what all he was saying. What I do remember is the feeling that every eye in the entire store was on me and every ear was hearing whatever all it was that he was so very loudly screaming. I am not sure what I felt more of - anger (I was extremely angry), humiliation or embarrassment. Here he was acting as though I had beat him or worse and yet the simple truth of the matter was that I had not laid a hand on him. I simply had refused to buy him a $3.99 book. Yep, that is all it would have taken on my part to have avoided this whole mess...but it wasn't about the money. It was about setting boundaries and sticking to them. It was about teaching him that we don't always get everything we want. It was about accepting "no" as an answer. All hard lessons for anyone, but especially a 5 year old. I hope and pray that somehow, someway, someday, he will understand all of these.
And then there was me, his mom, who also learned a valuable lesson or two from all of this. Like I said, I was mad. I was humiliated. I was embarrassed. I am quite sure my blood pressure was sky rocketing and my pulse was racing. Most of my family think I am short-tempered and have little to no patience. Most of the time, I, myself, am quite sure that they are correct. But today, in Target, when all of this took place, God granted me patience of great proportions. Yes, I lost it once we got to the car but for those few minutes (which seemed like an eternity) at the check out, I was amazingly calm. So I learned that yes, I do have patience...or at least I have a God who truly does provide for my every need in my times of need. I also was humbled. Never again will I be the mom who quickly judges another based on the behavior of her children.
My own mom's reply to this was that Lane wasn't perfect...that none of my kids are. And yes, I admit that I would soooo love for them to be. Oh how I wish they were! But no, they are not. Nor am I the perfect mom that I daily strive to be. (For in my perfect world, this would have never happened nor been real.) With age, I am learning that perfection is a lofty goal - one I likely will never reach but one I can't yet let go of either. And so herein lies another lesson I learned today...my goal as a mom should be more about being the kind of mom God wants me to be and less about what I think others might think about my parenting skills. "He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect..."~1 Timothy 3:4
Lane's respect was all I really wanted from the happenings of the afternoon. Did I earn it? Time will tell. Meanwhile, as I watched him floating on his back doing his thing for the end of swim lessons test this afternoon grinning from ear to ear looking so angelic, I realized that I love him no less for his actions at Target prior to swim lessons. In fact, it's very likely that I love him even more. After all, at the end of the day, I can look back at this whole experience and know that he was simply "keepin' it real."
